YUCKIMA

Sun 4:30 am @ Knight's Inn Yakima Washington

Cuda is packing furiously to get us out of this dive. An excellent afternoon of martinis and cigars outside our room turned ugly and fucking dangerous. Last evening we were being cased by a couple of scumbag denizens of the local low life population of downtown Yakima.I think they were almost going to go for it and shake us down for our valuables. We'll treasure this experience later but now its time to regroup and bolt.   

 

  "NO STINKING SMOKE IN ROOM CLEANING

                            CHARGES FOR US'

PROLOG 1

Fri May 25 Our last day before our trip was a planning get the list done marathon.It's always a hectic race to the finish when were getting ready for a big trip during the busy work season. We were up to the challenge this time and capped off our day with a comped sushi dinner at a nearby Japanese restaurant. Earlier that day I had come across a guy in my yard eying up my woodpile, not for firewood but for a few pieces of natural logs to use as planter stands inside his restaurant. Deference and respect for this man rewarded us handsomely with a complete free meal not just the free appy I expected.

 Day1                                                                                                                    Sat may 26  My pre trip list seems to grow the closer I get to leaving but we made it and got out on time at 6 AM. No line up at the border as we loaded up on goodies at the Duty free store.Our spirits were high as we hi interstate 5 heading south to Walla Walla via Yakima.( overdrive in truck not working) We had decided to stop in Yakima for a nostalgic visit to a authentic Mexican market called Yakimex.which we had gone to on a previous vist there in our 5th wheel several years ago. Bad choice. The first few hours went by fast then a slow trek through the mountains to Levenworth. We arrived in Yakima at 1:30 Pm after a 6 hour push. Quite enough driving for me in one day. Some grande margaritas and chillies reanos rewarded us before undertaking some pre motel check-in wineries in Rattlesnake ridge Mediocre wines there sharpened our anticipation of the finer tastings ahead for us in Walla Walla.

 

"SWIM IN THIS SUCKER I DON'T THINK SO" 

      NICE ALGEA BLOOM

OUR ROOM AT KNIGHT'S INN  (Loved the roll out chairs for smoking and drinking outside. Room *116 had seen better days. Formally a Ramada Inn this beauty had lost its 3 star rating along with the hair dryer, ironing board, kleenex dispenser and telephone which had all been declared  null and void under the new ownership

" EXCUSE ME INN KEEPER 

                                          YOUR FOAM IS SHOWING"

  Strong cleaning agents protected us from past room fatigue as evident by the well stained carpets and ripped curtains. After occupying our 1 1/2 star suite we pushed out a couple of chairs outside to soak up the ambiance of the Knight's Inn parking lot. Grey Goose vodka and Macanudo cigars fueled our Yakima meet and greet party. Other motel inhabitants emerged and started their own tail-gate parties. Some Cajuns dropped the tail-gate of their truck and fired up a barbecue and proceeded to cremate some burgers as their barbecue erupted in flames. Homeless people on foot and bike scoured the parking lot like scavenger birds circling some road kill. A crippled old man and blonde hillbilly kid made their way across the lot, I could almost hear the dueling banjos in the background Ever so often a sinister black and white patrol car would drive by the perimeter of our parking lot. Drug dealers, pimps and hookers lived in this area. We were on their turf and we had better show them some respect.

 "ISN'T THE PEEPHOLE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE DOOR

         A nearby gas station attendant informed me  that we were lucky enough to be staying at the best of the worst. The other sleazy motel hell's around us were much more dangerous he informed me... almost expecting a tip for his brilliant travel info. Yeah ......  were so lucky ,,,,,, we fuckin won the lottery you dumb shit. Has a homeless street urchin burst through the doors muttering something  to the attendant I headed back to my room with a 6 pack of coors and decided a pizza delivery was in order. Cuda was trying to make friends with a tailess cat as tailgaters started to head back to their rooms The party outside  was winding down and a biker and his female companion had decided that this place was too edgy for them and decided to vacate even without  convincing the Inn keeper to refund their deposit. Cuda had pushed the biker over the edge by telling him someone was eying up his bike while they were checking into their room. Biker leaving, not good. The parking lot was suddenly getting very empty as I noticed 2 slimeball lowlifes edging toward our open room. I grabbed my woman pulled in the chairs and closed the curtains. One of our doorlocks was broken and we prayed the deadbolt would hold and our truck would stay put and be there for our escape the next morning. Loma Loft and Walla Walla here we come.    BAD YAKIMA   GOODNIGHT

"HEY DUDE WHERE'S MY WINDOW? "                 

  

DAY 3 A DANGEROUS WALK TO OLD HAVANA

Dec 2011
Yesterday we started our day with a dangerous walk on the malecon.The guidebooks had flagged this as "must do thing " if your in Havana.Obviously this recommendation had been written by some travel writer peering down on the scenic ocean side walkway from the 16th floor of his hotel room, not by someone who actually did the treacherous walk on the slimy seaweed coated sidewalk. On a danger rating of 1-10 this was a nine. We did most of our walk on the road facing onrushing vehicles passing a few feet away from us . A grueling day of site seeing and mega walking lie ahead of us.First the Museum of the Revolution. Lots of pictures and letters but skinny on artifacts , this site was O.K but after awhile you got sick of the blood stained shirts being displayed like holy relics.The memorial room to Che Guevara featured a Che mannikin standing in front of a jungle background. Tacky and tasteless but the kids probably loved it.
The highlight of the day was the Hotel National , Havana's historic landmark mark built in the 20's ,stunningly magnificent, dripping with history the MUST SEE  icon in Havana.We sipped daiquiris in a beautiful courtyard overlooking the ocean and entrance way to the harbor .Inside, history and ambiance oozed from the ornate walls and high ceilings. Pictures of celebrities and dignitaries adorned the walls along with  prominent displays of Che and El Presidente 
Castro. shouted the fame of this grand old building. Back to our hotel this time by taxi, our bodies aching from our overbooked day. The 5 peso taxi ride was reasonable and included tip. A brief siesta and then off to old Havana for the Cuban Art Museum , Hemingway bar, and a rooftop restaurant. at the Hotel Seville
More rants about Tourism
                                          " Cultural refugees exchanging our soulless money for nuggets of real life.Thirsty vampires sipping the blood of a vibrant and alive society. We hunger for what the Cubans.have as their birthright, we want to gather their riches to take back with us at journey's end'

I told the girl at the hotel cigar shop " We love your country "
She said " you don't have to live here"

I coveted a poster in the hotel lobby of the jazz band we saw the first night we were here.I thought it would look good on the wall in my bathroom. BAD TOURIST! BAD TOURIST! I want to be different.

Taste of B.C.

This wine and food event at The Four Seasons Hotel was to be our last hurrah for the winter before settling into another AAA season. By the way Cuda and Shark are time travelers and we left our Cuban adventure to report on this outing. The Cuba trip will continue later. We checked into the Best Western Hotel at 3 pm to a spotless cozy room, backed up with great service from the front desk, making for a great start to our trip.A free downtown shuttle service was offered to us and we reserved for 4pm. Recovering from a previous night of overindulgence, I was looking forward to diving into the wine tasting
Our room overlooked Granville Street and the Yale Hotel which was temporarily closed pending completion of an adjacent high rise condo It's moss covered roof capped a treasure trove of  musical memories.It felt good to be in the corridor of the downtown Vancouver entertainment scene.
 We arrived early just as they were setting up the ballroom for our event.A very poorly organized event manager barked orders at her underlings as she stressed out at arriving attendees telling us the room wasn't set up yet.Different lines formed for coat checks and ticket pick-ups with the confused event manager trying to get everyone to go to the back of a line-up to get stamped. We ignored her and stood our ground at the front entrance way with our tickets waiting for the doors to open
We entered the ballroom and realized immediately this was a classy gig, and an oyster bar confirmed our first impression, Lots of fine expensive wines and tasty appetizers met our special tasting plates that we always bring with us to these events . The inevitable " Oh where did you get those what a great idea ' compliments followed us as we quickly made a first round. Then the crowd started to fill up the room.There had to be a fly in the ointment , Line-ups started to form at every table especially the appy tables. Why do they have to fuck-up a potentially great event by greedily filling up every square foot of event space lowering the enjoyment of well dressed connoisseurs now reduced to shoving and stumbling into each other as part of the herd.I got rude a few times and cut into lines out of sheer frustration . " Hey you've been at this table all night, hurry up and get to the back of the line" an equally disgruntled attendee, snarled behind me .The oyster bar had a line up like people waiting to get off a sinking cruise ship my oyster slurping was over for the night. After realizing we would have to camp out overnight to get a cracker and a piece of cheese we re-grouped and focused our
 remaining energy onordering flights of the best red wines and there were some good ones.BC red wines were the stars of this event and they just keep getting better.Exhausted and sore after 3 hours of consuming this event we cabbed back to our hotel room and welcome beds after aborting our earlier fantasy of  late night  lounging and nite clubbing.
I love the black out curtains in our room.

DAY 2 EKLECTRIC CUBA

 Dec 2011
DAY 2 ECLECTIC CUBA

 8:00 am Were up before sunrise and at our guide books fleshing out our itinerary for the next   few days. One week in Havana is barely enough to scratch the surface. Today some museums and the Hotel Nationale, tonight a Son show at the Havana Taberna 

(Buena Vista Social Club music A malecon walk will take us to the Hotel and then a taxi to the Museum of the Revolution  

  THINGS I LIKE ABOUT CUBA

- Consistent pricing set by government on most staples   

( including cigars )

- No signs or advertising billboards on street  (Commercialism knob turned way down )

- No garbage or dead puppies on side of road (like in Mexico )

- No Walmart people

Our first venture outside our hotel last evening was a stroll down some side streets

LOVED THE RUINED BUILDINGS AND UNEVEN SIDEWALKS

An eclectic blend of classical and 50’s architecture peppered but not crowded with Cubans dressed in colorful stylish clothes proudly walking down the streets ignoring the 2 tourists.

The building that looks abandoned has a dim light inside, some ones living there.

A giant tree root sticking out of the sidewalk, so what, step over it trees have rights too. A small curbside gathering of people singing and drinking rum,  You don’t need permission to party here. The blatant lack of commercialism here bestows an aura of purity and serenity which I have never encountered before. Humanity before materialism.

We found a few small shops located on the side of our hotel ( just small signs above the doors for identification )  30 pesos  about 35 dollars  got us a 7 year old bottle of rum, 4 beers,       2 decent bottles of wine and some water and fruit juices. The hotel mini-bar in our room was the greediest entity that we had encountered yet in Cuba and we would not be shopping there any more. Outrageously inexpensive premium cigars are becoming part of our kit and cigars shops easy to find. The throat lozenges we brought along on this trip would be life savers.

A sense of bittersweet melancholy has already descended on me as I realize that just by doing the tourist gig you start to spoil the magic of this paradise. I can see the proud Cuban people already showing signs of jaded lust for the materialism that tourists flaunt against a culture where egalitarian values still trumps greed. Unfortunately I can see this place becoming more like Mexico as the onslaught of foreign visitor erode the fragile social structure of this country.Ironically it is a totalitarian government that has protected the people from the cancer of unchecked materialism while withholding many basic human rights we take for granted. I told the waiter at a restaurant “ We love your country “ After looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening he replied “ Try living here “  

DAY 1 MELIA COHIBA, HAVANA

Dec 2011
8 AM Our first morning in Cuba, I’m looking out of a wide window from our room on the 11’th floor of the Melia Cohiba Hotel. The view encompasses the ocean, the malecon and many old rustic buildings surrounding our hotel. The absence of billboards and signs makes a strong first impression on me. Beautiful old cars, many repainted with tropical colors including pinks and bright oranges add to this surrealistic montage that is my first glimpse of Havana

 

.An eagle or a vulture circles overhead, a large swimming pool

lies below and to the right sits the Riviera Hotel a notorious mobster hotel built in the 50’sportrayed in the Godfather movie, as the location where the dons of the Mafia meet on an ocean side patio to divide up the spoils of Cuba with the dictator Batista. Castro and the revolution would have something to say about that. Cuda’s finished doing her make-up and its time for breakfast  I’am starving after turning down the airline’s excuse for food yesterday. I’m hungrier than a Cuban tree rat ( Yes they do exist

 3 pm Were back in our meticulously cleaned room after an epic feast, and some poolside time Breakfast included freshly baked croissants, smoked salmon from Chile, gourmet cheeses from Italy and Spanish chorizo. A full gourmet all you can eat buffet and I did eat all I could. Numerous visits to the smoked salmon plate and they just kept piling it on. The service was over the top as plates would disappear immediately from the table if a waiter noticed the slightest disinterest in its contents. Cappuccinos and fresh squeezed juices arrived continuously. I didn’t know it yet but this was just a warm-up for the food bacchanalia awaiting us in Cayo Coco one week from now. 

Last night we arrived at at our hotel lobby at about 10pm, after a transfer glitch at the airport. Sunway vacations had not included transfers from the airport to our hotel but kindly gave us a complimentary taxi to our hotel after a little dickering ( read the fine print in your itinerary before traveling) After checking in to our room and finishing our welcome cocktails in the lobby bar, compliments of the desk manager, we walked towards some live music coming from one of the bar lounges and we got our first taste of of Cuban bliss which we had waited so long for. I can’t remember the last time I was emotionally moved by a live performance of extremely talented musicians. This Cuban jazz quartet that we had the honor and high privilege to experience was red hot. I mean move over Miles Davis and Sonny Rollins…I mean a front man moving seamlessly between trumpet, sax and clarinet. A young kid all over the drums and a solid lead and bass guitar back-up. It doesn’t get any better than this. Sitting in this small bar surrounded by cigar smoke and sipping 7 year old Havana Club rum I was overcome by tears of happiness.These guys played their hearts out taking turns doing solo’s and each giving accolades to the other band members after playing. An appreciative mix of locals and tourists offered loud applause after each set. Excuse me, this is culture, this is life, real nourishment, not the fucking sterile pablum we are fed from our big screen TV’s. This was only the beginning of our Cuban music adventure and it only got better.

We had arrived in Cuba after leaving behind the drab gulag of a dreary west coast winter, and after only one day in Havana all the pieces were coming together why we had always wanted to travel here. So many new impressions,our senses overloaded, we reveled in the anticipation of the pleasures ahead of us. 

  

MAY 8 2010 S…….. H…….FOOD AND WINE BENEFIT

It is 7 pm and the event is already packed with throngs of people lining up to pick up tickets. We wouldn't own this one and resigned ourselves to the herd . I broke out of the obedient line-up and posted myself at the ticket table to receive the tickets. The security was non existent at the entranceWe could have crashed this sucker. The start time was supposed to be 7pm but this didn't apply to"insiders" who were already grazing and tipping wine glasses.I was far from being in fine form like I usually am forThese kind of functions, due to the late start. The place was packed like sardines.The greedy organizersDidn't understand what the phrase sold out means. We started our tour. Lots of food and wine, and shoving. I especially didn't like the old bitch tapping me repeatedly in the lower back. Breast encounters with young buxum participants were less irritating . We slowly made our way around the tables, drawing the inevitable inquiries about our  appy wine plates. "Where did  you get those?" asked numerous participants.  These were our tools of the trade which separated us from the neophytes and allowed us to efficiently shuffle appetizers and our wine glass, while commoners fumbled with their paper plates.  The BoatHouse had a good trio of crab cake ,seared ahi and smoked salmon roll. It pairedWell with a  New Zealand savignon blanc. ( I really love the fruity nose and complexity of New Zealand whites} An upstart five corners restaurant offered melt in your mouth rare prime rib with anise au jus.I paired this with a huuuuge petit syrah from Chile which the table rep assured me was the best red of the show. I don't know about that. I was really impressed with a B.C. pinot noir which pushed the envelope of what is possible with the pinot noir grape in our Province, Though at $35.00 a bottle It is pricey compared to what you could get out of Chile or even Oregon at that price point.Everybody was dressed to the 10's even the mongloid children for who this event was for. Some wereEmpting garbarge recepticles while others were snapping pictures with expensive digital cameras.Were they training to be papparatzi. I felt like  a celebrity as I posed for a picture  while downing a duck confit.The evening progressed   as  we  exploited the bounty of this gala event, and we started on our end gameWhich involved returning to our favourite food stops for yet more samplings ' I felt sheepish as we returned

To the  Boathouse for yet another "round the world " Cuda boldly approached the booth with our 2 appy plates was sure I had been banned from further depleting this table's resources and gleefully watched from the sidelines as more seafood jumped on my hungry  plate. Back to the Prime Rib stand for more succulent morselsDamn-it all the reds were starting to taste the same. You know its time to go when all the wines start to taste

The same.  Finally one more flight of our favourite reds before walking 2 blocks home to our awaiting bed

Good night

The $1000 Feast

Day 1
3pm.We checked into our Super 8 Motel next to the set for Trailer Park Boys. This one of the scariest 

trailer parks I've ever seen. Some of these ugly suckers would make our old bruised 5'th wheel look like a class a motor home Can't wait to see some of the trailer critters come of their cages.Cuda is on her new I-pad planning a pub crawl itinerary for this afternoon.Shark is recovering from the excesses of the previous night waiting for the caffeine to kick in.Shark will also not be smiling too much for the next 3 days due to a front capped tooth deciding to break off just before the trip, My mouth is a friggin money pit.Were off to a Victoria walk-about and some oysters I think.
DAY 2
5am.Early morning habits stick with you even on holidays.A big day of wine tasting ahead for us in the Cowichan Valley.But first a review of day 1
Yesterday our walk-about in Victoria started at the Executive Hotel Bar and Seafood Ceasar cocktails. This place has always been a favorite of ours when visiting Victoria and we remembered the prawn double Caesar hang-over killers we indulged in on many past trips before heading back on the ferry, They were even better  this time with a mussel hanging onto the glass next to the prawns and spicy beans. A second wind launched us into the  downtown core. Victoria is a great walking city,full of eklectric shops squeezed into old buildings and alleys. A blend of crusty locals, well healed tourists, spiced up with some derilict youth and destitute bums made a tasty stew of humanity. We found our first cigar shop  off the main tourist beat and were rewarded with some reasonably priced Cuban Upmann petit coronas and Mexican El Torito robustos.  Walking down to the tourist area we noticed a new street culture of sidewalk mural artists which seemed to have replaced the hordes of homeless youth and puppies that dominated the streets in past times.An interesting toy and hobby shop invited us in.There was a lot on neat shit, including remote helicopters with video cameras.a mischievous looking redheaded girl invited us to try out an odd looking "toy" with hand grips and 
electronic looking appendages. That looks like it hurts I joked. "Only if you loose"she softly responded .After explaining this device tested your reaction time having you press a button when the light color changes we agreed to try it out. I didn't appreciate the taser shock I got after loosing to Cuda by a fraction of a second, The punishing electrical zap actually fucking hurt.(though only for a milli-second)I think the sadistic little wench  turned up the voltage dial just for me. Ha Ha Ha
The highlight of our Victoria walk-about was
The Oyster and it's Buck a Shuck  happy hour specials.We were seated at the busy bar next to ice mounds covered with assorted mollusks. A wave of oyster lust overtook us as we greedily eyed the Little Wings in front of us.

 We ordered vodka martinis and quickly reduced the oyster population by 2 dozen before the happy hour ended and the prices per oyster shot back up to 3 bucks 
We turned our attention to sacks of mussels and clams next to the small stove to the right of the ice mounds.We had been enjoying the line cooks performing for us and turning out their bar appies like mini Iron Chefs.(Anthony Bourdain would  love this Place) Their sambuca cream and bacon  drenched mussels and clams were a no brainer. We accompanied our shellfish dual with a crisp fruity New Zealand Savignon Blanc ( Oyster Bay of course )Happy Happy Happy as Emeril would say
The waitress was very cute ( like my sweety) 
The service was very good
The tip was very large.
The Oyster Bar At
Pescadores in Victoria achieved the the gourmet holy trinity of great food, fantastic ambiance and superb service. We were "Winning "
A pit stop at Big Bad John's Hill-billy Bar at the Strathcona Hotel, and 2 of the most expensive shots of bar vodka that I've ever had completed our Pub crawl.The old hag barkeep failed to impress us with her crappy attitude and rude service." I need $17" she blurted out at us as she tossed the bill at our table.Cuda was not amused and snatched up the change from the $20 we gave "Swampy" the bartender.It was time to go back to our motel we had a big day ahead of us.
DAY 3
10:20 am Today we a hanging out waiting for the Main Event At 1pm. The Feast of Fields. This will be our 3rd Feast on the island and our expectations are high.Our room was suffering from trip fatique and needed attention
Yesterday was a full day of wineries, driving and starving.Cuda had decided that this was to be a "no picnic" trip and didn't bring a cooler for road snacks.We were in for a wine tasting marathon from 11am-4pm without lunch.We started our day off with a visit to the Duncan Farmer's Market. A cool wet morning was mellowed by strong coffee and hot tea.There were lots of overflowing vegetable stands but not as many food and craft stands as we expected.We bought some chantrelle mushrooms and beef jerky
an headed to our first winery Averell Creek. After purchasing some tasting tickets we enjoyed a flight of excellent reds, and left with a Foch and a bottle
of Bordeaux style mixed varietals.Off to 22 Oaks for free tastings of very mediocre wines and then on to our old favourites Goddwyn Brownell and Zanata. Things had changed. First at Goddwyn Brownell, everything was tired starting with the unkept vineyards and gardens as we drove in. This place used to remind us of a Tuscan Villa , now it  looked.... Neglected  As we approached the tasting area the owner wine-maker remembering us from previous visits came out and shook my hand and embraced Cuda like a long lost friend. Perhaps we reminded him of better times or he was hoping to feed off our energy.Overpriced tastings and uninspiring tapas offerrings added to our disappointment.A real crappy chardonnay ( the only free pour ) verged on plunk grade.His $5 pours
didn't hold a candle to the spectacular reds we had tasted here a few years ago. The owner had gotten old and tired, His cowboy field hand had gotten old and crippled( now walking with a limp ) and the winery dog looked like it was on its last legs . The golden age of this winery was over like an old wine with an amber disk past its prime and on the slippery road of decline. Oh well nothing stays the same. On to Zanata Wineries and a much anticipated lunch at the Bistro.
I really hate bolting out of a restaurant.The embarrassment, the indignation , the frustration of too many things gone wrong:, and finally the hasty exit." I'am sorry we want our bill we are leaving"
I curtly announced to the obviously overwhelmed waitress taking care of another party inside.
" I'am sorry" she blurted out, "I just had a table of 14, your foods on its way" "No" I said "we are leaving" and went back to our patio table. The bearded waiter who had previously ignored our pleas for service marched out to our table and confronted us with another blast of rudeness."
"So your out of here " he snarled. " No " I retorted
"We asked for the bill because of the poor service"
Not accepting the reality of another dissatisfied customer he continued with"Well here at Zanata we have a casual dining atmosphere" fighting a growing wave of nasty thoughts I ended our dialogue with 
"Bring us the bill" Earlier on in this painful dining experience we had the audacity to ask the bearded fuck for a bread plate after we had been sitting for 20 minutes watching him serve other patrons around us  ( bread plates included ), patrons that had arrived after us.He laughed at us and walked away
refusing to cover for the waitress who had obviously abandoned us. Our run-away waitress came back to our table and again tried to appease us (no comps offered )." No" I said " It's ok, it's not your fault but were leaving" She added a pathetic excuse to her list of offenses by trying to convince us that the bread comes with the main course after we seen otherwise. I shouldn't have felt sorry for her, the lying little bitch.The place was packed and the staff short. The waitress made sure she didn't jeopardize her tip with the table of 14. We were expendable.I understand. At least we left with some great wine from the tasting room, and someone got a free duck dinner.
Its now 11 am 2 hours to the Feast of Fields and the main event of our trip. I pray for a great culinary experience this afternoon. If I have another Zanata experience I might lose it.
Day 4
10:am Wined out and waiting at the ferry terminal to go home.An OK Feast of Fields yesterday
they don't seem to be as good as they were a few years ago.Not too many high end restaurants and losts of caterers and brew pubs.This event has drifted away from its roots as a vehicle to get urban

                 Tasty grilled Morels ( best treat of the Feast)

folk out the country to visit their cousin farmers and experience a true Feast of the Fields.There was no farm experience here at Marley Farms the venue of this years Feast , just a large wasp infested open field corralling a herd of wannabe food debutantes.Line ups at pizza and hot dog tents signaled that the caliber of attendees had gone south. This will be our last Feast of Fields.
Now lets add up the money. Ferries, motel, tickets,
restaurants,etc etc   Um...I see just over a thousand
hard earned smackeroos shelled out for this romp.It was fun but I think we could have gone to Mexico cheaper . Viva the $1000 Feast














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